In its starkest form, faith means blindly trusting someone or something. Today’s gospel reminds us that faith is fully trusting in God’s plan for us like a vulnerable child. It is, therefore, no coincidence that I write this reflection on the birthday of my identical twin daughters, Harper and Mackenzie.
Mackenzie was stillborn. Losing her was the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced in my life. And for a season, I withdrew from work, my family, and even my surviving daughter. I scoffed at my good friend Fr. Brad Metz when he told me I should trust in God’s plan for my family. I was angry when acquaintances said to me, “It was meant to be,” or wouldn’t say anything at all.
With time and the help of my friends, family and even my students, I finally began to feel the joy of being a mother to Harper without forgetting Mackenzie. I found an outlet for my grief by donating necessities for preemies to the local neonatal intensive care unit. I realized what Fr. Brad meant when he compassionately said that the death of Mackenzie means I should no longer fear death. Mackenzie will be greeting me at the gates of heaven once I get there, and she will be perfect. I understood that trusting in God was different from “it was meant to be.” Finally, I was able to know God again through my faith.
Tragedy has the power to both bring us closer to God and draw us farther away. It reminds us of our own limitations, but it may also cause us to question God’s benevolence. For me, the difference between the two outcomes was my humility and openness to trusting the Lord with childlike faith.