I was abused by a priest during my first two years at Notre Dame. There was no physical contact. My innocence, however, was violated. It was the love of my parents and siblings that ultimately saved me from what might have been. A fellow classmate was not as fortunate. Four decades later, he continues to struggle with post-traumatic stress disorder and major depression brought on by the abuse.

Following the Boston Globe reporting in 2002, I struggled with anger as I tried to piece together an unfinished puzzle of memories. Insomnia and hate consumed me. Despite not knowing his whereabouts, I thought that forgiving my abuser, at least in private prayer, might help. But forgiveness was not helpful or even possible for me at that time. As a physician, I thought labeling him with a psychiatric diagnosis—a pathological explanation—might mitigate vengeful thoughts. But I still remained tormented. I ultimately confided to my wife, my pastor, and a colleague. Their advice was consistent and helpful: I did not need to forgive or try to explain his actions. I must leave that to a demanding judge, our God who peers into every soul.

Mark’s reading for today lacks any miracles, parables, or wisdom from Jesus. Rather, we read of Herodias’ evil grudge towards John the Baptist for calling to task her adultery. Unlike King David, who heeded the words of Nathan centuries earlier and sought God’s forgiveness for his immoral relationship with Bathsheba, Herod’s second wife, a godless woman, could not accept John’s words. Her hate-filled resentment led to his gruesome death.

Grudges—pathological anger or resentment over wrongful actions of another—can damage the soul, our source of happiness and connection to God. For me, nothing short of love and emotional support from those who care could heal the pain caused by these memories. For others, such as my one-time classmate and many other victims of sexual abuse, their emotional pain and lasting vulnerability may never fully heal.

The diocesan priest I met four decades ago was eventually dismissed from the clerical state in 2006. He died seven years ago. I will never know if he reconciled with God. But I know that the grudge I bore as a result of his abuse no longer stands between me and the healing love of God.