Kevin Kearney ’72, ’76 M.Theo.

Several years ago I was working for a start-up biotech company. It was exciting and challenging, and we had a sense that we could do something that could benefit many people.

There is always some risk involved in a start-up venture: the company could make it big, or go bust. For quite a few years, things at our company were going well. We were achieving milestones, mostly on schedule. And then, one day we were all called into a meeting and told that it was all over.

Our financial supporters had evaluated our progress and a changing market, and determined that the chances of our succeeding in the marketplace were not good. So, rather than pour any more money into the company, everyone was going to be laid off and all company assets were going to be sold. Just like that.

To say that we were devastated is an understatement.

For me personally, there was an added complication. My wife was pregnant, and I was soon to be an unemployed father of seven children.

Over the weeks and months after the big announcement, as I searched for new employment, my moods alternated between discouragement, hope, disappointment, anxiety, and anger. Countless times I thought I was closing in on a job—it seemed right for me, and I was sure that I was the ideal candidate—and then it would fall through. I had gone from being on top of the world to feeling that I had lost control of my life.

During that period, I happened to be reading a series of passages from Genesis about Abraham. As I read them, it was becoming clearer to me than it had ever been before what faith was about: trusting in God, even when prospects seemed most hopeless, when I was anything but in control.

I’m a person who puts a lot of energy into maintaining control, so maybe God needed to disrupt my life dramatically to get my attention, to take me to a place of some darkness where I was not in control. There, God could teach me something about having faith, and not just when things are going well.

This was a very important conversion for me, and one that has helped steer my life since then. I still do what I can to order and plan things, but I’ve become more comfortable with accepting some randomness in my life, and not worrying so much when things get a little bit out of control. (I did eventually find a new job, but it took nine months.)

I know now that unexpected things can happen without my life falling apart. And that perhaps God is breaking into my life in those dark moments and speaking to my heart.

Now, I often make this my prayer: “Loving God, help me see the disruptions in my life as grace-filled opportunities to be guided by you.”